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Category: What people are saying about Four Windows

Yes, I’m still alive.

Yes, I’m still alive.

More than words can say

Thanks for asking. I am indeed alive and celebrating a milestone birthday. This blog too lives again.

Let’s be friends again. Here’s a suggestion. How about visiting the https://www.jackdermody.com/free-survey? Yup, it’s free.

Ask a loved one to take it. Enjoy a chat about your core values. Such a healthy conversation. https://www.jackdermody.com/free-survey.

Got questions afterwards? I’m at dermody@cox.net.

Stay tuned. I’m also about to launch a national tour.

Cheers,

Jack

Some people cannot vote

Some people cannot vote

Some people cannot or will not vote for real-world reasons.

My wife and I have been on the streets of Phoenix registering new voters this election season. You would be amazed how many people cannot vote, or will not.

Felons, for example, are forbidden to. Surprisingly both felons and ex-felons that we spoke with tended to admit up front that’s what they are. Of course plenty of people are not  full-blown felons, but are hiding outside the law. Consider folks with multiple DUI’s,  missed court dates, or persistent creditors from hell. Voter registration would shed more light on them than they want.

Plenty of Americans say they are working hard to keep the government out of their affairs. They can, and do, choose not to have government ID’s like driving licenses, medical cards, and voter registration cards. Because social security cards are issued to us as children, very few people can escape that ID, but they can still choose to reject nearly everything else. And we all know that plenty of people earn their living from unreported cash. We are not only talking about illegal immigrants.

Some politicos are pushing legislatures to make voter registration automatic for all citizens. I wonderful if they know they will get blowback from the many people who do not want to be on the grid, automatically or any other way.

We even met a few individuals who wanted to escape jury duty because, as you know, voter registration rolls are often the data source to locate jury candidates.

Homeless people want to get registered, but life can be so challenging that addresses and other contact info become quickly obsolete. So they may opt to not even try.

The saddest reasons we have heard for not registering deal with mistrust and disgust. Thousands  honestly feel their votes do not matter. Many say they know nothing about the candidates or about the issues — which is probably true in most cases. Plenty believe the system is rigged.

If you are an idealist who hopes for a hundred percent voter turnout, you must realize that’s an impossibility. On the other hand, the citizens who choose to vote continue to be the majority, at least we hope so. That’s why we’re in train stations, bookstores, and neighborhoods signing people up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lochke: From Apology to Atonement

Lochke: From Apology to Atonement

I am glad I waited for Matt Lauer’s interview with Ryan Lochke (8/22/16 Today Show) because the preceding slam of headlines portrayed Ryan as a jerk from a despised fraternity. Yes, his early statements deserved harsh judgment from both Americans and Brazilians, but it’s clear he finally got close to “getting it” in the apology department on the Today Show.

Apology

The proof that an apology is effective can be revealed in the hearts and reactions of the injured parties.

Focusing on the Brazilians, just imagine being called third-world for decades. Imagine getting tagged a banana republic by journalists, tourists, even politicians for a lifetime. Imagine being constantly demeaned as some family’s poor relation longer than anyone should bear. But in face of all that, you still throw the biggest possible wedding for your rich cousins, expending all of your resources, and then you get branded inferior during a toast by the best man who makes international headlines effectively calling you a violent, low-class relative.

Ryan Lochke effectively had done that, but he clearly moderated his message in this last interview with Lauer.

He owned up to the facts as he knew them and also to the evidence provided by local police and others. He took full blame for his role in vandalism, intoxication, and confrontational behavior with the Brazilians who pulled him out of a taxi and demanded restitution. He owned up to messing with the truth in early interviews.

And yes, he did express regret to the Brazilians. He acknowledged they put on a great Olympics. He said the people of Rio were warm, welcoming, and generous and that they did not deserve the smear he launched with bad behavior and thoughtlessness in front of the world press.

But did these words change the minds and hearts of the injured Brazilians? Did they look like a real apology?

Atonement

Probably not. Victims understand actions more than words. Certainly Ryan Lochke’s current and future sponsors will understand actions more than words. To take an example we can all relate to, if I break your window, I not only replace the pane, but I might also pay a carpenter to repair and paint the frame around the glass, then invite you over for a barbeque to celebrate a new relationship. We all know this as atonement. Unfortunately for Lochke, his atonement would have to be on a scale far beyond the stuff he broke in a bathroom. Personally, I would hate to see Ryan wait around and end up succumbing to penalities possibly applied by the IOC or by American Olympics interests. Right now, he could announce measures of sincere atonement that would likely hit both hearts and minds of Brazilians, his teammates, and all of us in America who are embarrassed. He could very well regain respect.

Ryan Lochte surely wants to regain his image as a great Olympian. Probably his best chance is to be a Great Atoner. For instance, he could fly back to Brazil right now and directly apologize to the property owner he hurt, the security guards he disrespected, the local Olympic committee he offended, the national leaders whose fortunes and sweat were laid on the line to pull the Olympics off, and the millions of people whose pride was hurt. Beyond that, if Lochke does this right, he will continue to get endorsement contracts that he can leverage to provide trust funds for much needed causes in Brazil, perhaps especially for young athletes and scholars.

And even if atonement, even the sincerest form of it, does not win over hearts and minds, the very act itself is healing and the right thing to do.

How important is blogging?

How important is blogging?

I have seen precious little evidence that blogging matters. Millions of people are blogging, but who is paying attention? I am guessing that a handful of bloggers have such unique material and compelling issues that they of course rise to the top. The rest of us must be flailing in the wind, blogging to ourselves and a few friends, hoping against hope that what we think and say even matters. Is it possible that Facebook is more effective than most blogs?

Yes, I see some people and organizations stand out like Fast Company, the social media version of it. I’ve recently discovered Gretchen Rubin who is BRILLIANT. How does one complete for attention with those heavies in the marketplace?

Well the answer, I guess, is to do stuff that seems to matter — and, eventually, a few people might care about it as much as you do…and then they’ll spread the word.

Choose Valentine Gifts by “Color”

Choose Valentine Gifts by “Color”

If you want an idea or two for your loved one this Valentine’s Day, here you go.

We know to give presents that our loved ones actually want, and not what we want, right? It’s probably hardest to buy stuff for people so different from us because we ourselves do not place the same value on the gift. For example, my very Orange adult granddaughter wants a new tattoo for the holiday. To begin with, I don’t understand tattoos at all and certainly would never spend any money on one for myself. But that’s the point of a gift, isn’t it? It’s a gift — something truly valuable to the recipient.

If you do not remember what the Colors mean, here’s the link: http://www.jackdermody.com/4w.html

Gold Gifts. Who is the traditional, responsible Gold person in your life? They like what’s “right.” Here’s a partial list: tasteful jewelry and clothing, practical furnishings and utensils for the home, the next piece of a cherished collection, gift cards for the right store, or an intimate item that further bonds your relationship.

Green Gifts. Your rational, deep-thinking Green friends and family members like stuff for their minds: cutting-edge software, books, intriguing games, coveted resources, tickets to events around their favorite subjects and hobbies, and useful material things that keep life utilitarian and efficient.

Blue Gifts.Those idealistic, harmony-seeking Blue folks in your life may be the least expensive to shop for just because they can value “the thought” more highly the actual gift. Are you good at making things that you can custom-tailor for your loved one? Can you write something special? How about tickets to music, theater, and concerts? Flowers and arty things? Or a warm piece of clothing they’ll always remember you by?

Orange Gifts. Truth be known, nearly everybody wants to get what Oranges want and usually get. Oranges just want to have fun. They want to enjoy personal freedom. So they get surprises, trips, the latest clothes, cool tools, exciting games, toys, musical instruments, vacation tickets — well, you get the idea.

Here’s my own take on gifting. The best gifts are given with no strings, no investment in the outcome — except in the hope the gift will bring genuine joy — however temporary — to the recipient. Say what you will about the materialism of the day, underneath the colorful ribbons and enormous credit card debt is a desire to enrich the lives of others.

How to Fail Interviews for Top-Paying Jobs

How to Fail Interviews for Top-Paying Jobs

The problem with a great resume is it will get you the interview. A bigger problem is the interview itself. My friend Beth walked into a panel of interviewers who squashed her like a bug with brutal questions that only expert interviewers will deliver. Beth was squashable because she did not prepare for Expert questions. She had claimed to be executive-level material for marketing and ended up in a room full of actual marketing executives. They beat her up.  For example, what books and journals are you reading right now? What would you do if…? Who do you know? Can you prove what you just said?

Expert interviewers are not just “experts” per se. They possess what I call “Expert” personalities whose values reek of geekdom. They live for knowledge and competence and are rigorous about who they work with…and more importantly, who they pay to work with them. Read more about them in Job Interviewers: Get Inside Their Heads. (Amazon.com)

If you are reading books that give you pat answers to “standard questions,” throw them away right now. To get a high-paying job, you must be the professional you claim to be. If you did not finish graduate studies in your field, you will not be perceived as professional. If you are not continually reading and learning and gaining recognizably important experience, then you are not professional. Top money is given to top performers. Period.

Do I sound like your dad? Good. Listen up.

That’s right. Colors can’t solve all problems.

That’s right. Colors can’t solve all problems.

A snarky colleague can’t refrain from reminding me that the four classic temperaments (the four Colors) do not solve all of life’s problems.

Of course she is right. In fact, before proceeding, let me recommend an easy introduction to personality theory that covers much more than Colors ever would: Making Sense of People: Decoding the Mysteries of Personality by Samuel Barondes. It’s new. You get to find out what today’s psychological community agrees on. But beware you might finally change that major to Psychology before you’re through.

But why is Colors so great? Without answering all life problems?

It’s simple.  Just the act of identifying ourselves with one of four Colors tells a lot about our personal values and needs. And most of us understand the focus is on how great we are, rather than what might be “wrong.” By seeing ourselves in one of only four groups, it’s hard to get paranoid or “invaded” when it’s clear there are millions of other people “just like us.”

And there’s more good news. With the simple day-to-day tools that are part of personality studies, you and I see real hope that we’ll get along better with others and communicate more effectively.

Still, a small percentage of my clients feel even the Colors program is more invasive than they like. They say they don’t want their test results shared with the rest the team. Occasionally such folks get excused from a workshop.

I know what they mean. As I am combing through Barondes book a third and fourth time, I literally sweat about my neuroses and examine my life deeply…well, like many of us did as young religious children. Here’s hoping you won’t read my notes before I’m dead. LOL, as they say.

The reason I do the workshops is this: The old ways, the moralistic ways, the religious ways, even the fully scientific psychological ways look harsh and invasive to most folks. The four classic temperaments as seen through the four Colors, the Four Windows — allow us to think and talk about ourselves safely and still make big changes without embarrassing ourselves.

Guess a stranger’s temperament – right now!

Guess a stranger’s temperament – right now!

Guess a color. Right now? Everybody wants me to reveal how to spot a person’s Color (temperament) without a test or survey. Better yet, they would love to be able to guess a personality type in just a matter of minutes. Think about it. How great would it be to assess people during a short business meeting or over that first drink at a bar!?

FYI, if the stranger next to you now wants to actually take the survey, it’s free. Go to http://jackdermody.com/free-survey.

How good are YOU? Do you think you yourself are pretty good at guessing a person’s Color the first few minutes you meet? Here is “my take” here and PLEASE let me know if you agree, disagree, or have something to add to the conversation.

The bad news is I will get laughed off the stage if I sell tickets to poor souls who actually think I am good at guessing Colors.

Sizing folks up for temperament can be a tough call.

Don’t know what the four Colors mean? Go to http://jackdermody.com/4w.html.

Greens. I get Greens wrong all the time – those clever clones of Sherlock Holmes. Countless Green rationals develop diplomatic social skills and pleasant tones of voice, shrouding tough logic and demanding connectivity of concepts. However, they do give themselves away by wearing highly efficient and job-oriented clothing rather than the fashionable. It’s no surprise that the corporate garb in “Greenland,” e.g., at Google and utility companies, favors jeans and t-shirts. They will be the least self-conscious about geeky eyeglasses, index cards in shirt pockets, and tools attached to belts.

Blues. Blues are pretty easy to spot. Blue body language can be gentle, welcoming, and vulnerable. The clothes they choose tend to be soft, flowing, unique, and highly comfortable rather than efficient, trendy, or “expected.”

Oranges. Oranges stand out like the artists and athletes they tend to be. They do care about how they look – a lot. Orange body language screams pride, energy, movement, and comfort with their own sexuality.

 Golds. Obedient Golds wear the corporate uniform, whatever it is. If you ask them, they want to fit in and do so with taste and care. Gold body language is rarely flamboyant.

 How good are the odds now? So much for first impressions. With the information you’ve just been given, you just might be right about 30-50% of the time.

 Have more time for a first impression? If you actually get to have a conversation with these folks the first time you meet, other clues pop up.

 Greens. Greens may freeze up with small talk and will prefer to deliver facts and carefully considered analyses. You know that they have found you interesting if they keep asking questions as you speak. Otherwise, don’t waste your time feeling sorry for yourself if they clam up or find an excuse to move away from you.

Blues. Blues enjoy light conversation, including personal stuff and philosophical flights of fancy. They move easily from topic to topic and tend to listen as much as talk. Don’t be surprised that they look into your eyes more than the other types – and even touch you from time to time.

Oranges and Golds. Oranges and Golds (75% of the population) tend to get queasy if abstract conversations (preferred by Greens and Blues) begin to take a lot of time. Both Orange and Golds prefer dealing with concrete ideas.

Oranges normally prefer action over conversation, but will engage if the talk is lighthearted, funny, fun, or somehow riveting, such as with sports talk. Oranges are more likely to use “colorful” language than the others.

Golds enjoy process talk, like a Grisham novel, in which they remark about the way things work, the steps of a story, the highlights of a trip, the design of a house, … you get the idea.

 Be more accurate. Go with TWO Colors. Okay, there you have it. If I could recommend anything, I’d say try to guess a person’s first TWO Colors. That way, you can adjust the conversation to the strengths and values of both Colors and probably find you are being well received.

Your turn to chime in. What do you think? What is YOUR experience? Write me at dermody@cox.net.